Old Man's Cutlery

Old Man's Cutlery

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Suck it up, Grandpa

There’s nothing worse than getting old and having your teeth fall out. All those delicious foods now need to be pureed and liquefied. Old Man Cutlery is for all the old fogies whose teeth left them in the dust. You can drink up the success of finally having that cheeseburger you’ve been dying for. Mmmmm….ketchup and onion juice.

Who would love Old Man Cutlery?

Anyone that takes out their teeth at night and puts them on the bathroom counter will appreciate our Old Man Cutlery. Retiring pals and coworkers getting ready for lives of leisure would also enjoy the reminder that those precious pearly whites aren’t going to be around forever. When those chompers go the way of the Dodo, it’s way easier to suck a spaghetti smoothie through a straw.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do they actually work?

Old Man Cutlery are large straws that can be used for any type of liquid. You can use them for your favorite soft drink, smoothie or prune juice. These straws are fully functional for drinking, but make sure to wash them after every use.

Is Old Man Cutlery appropriate for babies?

Nope, babies are not old and their teeth are not falling out…yet. Such a large straw is not a good idea for infants or children of any age. These are made for people older than dirt and not youngsters who still have a new car smell. Babies need bottles. Old people need Old Man Cutlery.  

Why We Love It

— Jessi, Funslurp Buyer Jessi, Funslurp Buyer


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