Newsflash! You're Old as F*ck Mints

Newsflash! You're Old as F*ck Mints

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Newsflash! You’re Old as Fuck Mints

As you get older, your natural scent slowly wanders from flowery or masculine to the more pronounced elder funk and mothballs. You can’t help it, it’s just part of getting older. Luckily, you can mask your geriatric goodness with Newsflash: You’re Old as Fuck Mints. Get a little bit of that youthful peppermint scent back as you struggle to produce a bowel movement or just go in your pants. You’re old, people will just expect it. That’s the great thing about being ancient, you don’t have to give a crap about anything. Let You’re Old a Fuck Mints keep your breath fresh as you tell people to kiss your wrinkly ass.

Specs, Features, and Bragging Rights

-              Hilarious tin filled with peppermint mints

-              Collectable tin reads: NEWSFLASH! You’re Old as Fuck!

-              Contains approximately 165 breath mints

-              Funny, unique gift for friends and family who’ve ripened in their old age

-              Perfect for birthdays, retirements, holidays, and anytime someone you love is old AF

A Good Pal Won’t Let Them Smell!

Do you have friend who’s reaching retirement age or getting up in years? They’ll love how much you care when you give them Newsflash: You’re Old as Fuck Mints. Odds are they already know they reek of aged cheese because they’re old, so giving them a respite from sniffing their own stench is a thoughtful gift to give. They’re breath will be minty fresh, even if the rest of them smells like a shirt that’s been left in a moldy spider web-covered basement for a decade. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. They can take a mint, close their eyes, and remember the good old days when they played with dinosaurs and spent the evening watching mountains form. 

Why We Love It

— Jessi, Funslurp Buyer Jessi, Funslurp Buyer


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