Banana Fights Back! Ohio Gorilla Mascot Attacked

Last week, an unsuspecting gorilla mascot, stationed outside a cellular store in Strongsville, Ohio, was taught an unusual lesson about the modern food chain.

Bananas have long since been the underdog in the war between primates and fruit, and apparently, they’ve had enough.

It was an ordinary day for The Wireless Center’s gorilla mascot, until an unidentified banana-clad teenager jumped out from some bushes and ran full steam ahead at him, knocking him to the ground. The courageous gorilla chose not to fight back, but simply picked himself up, re-adjusted his furry head and kept waving his sign.

The brazen banana remains at large.

It’s lucky for him that the gorilla man involved embraced peace, but who knows what would happen if such a twisted tale of banana on gorilla violence spread to the gorilla mascot community? I believe we might see a rash of retaliatory assaults taking place.

Such a horrific incident might look like this:

I dream of a day when banana men and gorilla people can live together in harmony. Will such a glorious day ever come?

Man Frequently Flies the Friendly Skies in Skimpy Women’s Clothing

A frequent air traveler has been getting a lot of press lately, due to his interesting choice of flight attire. The man, who wishes not to have his name in print, has been posing for plenty of photos wearing little more than women’s underwear or skimpy getups fit for a bizarre, yet profitable, night of hooking. Luckily, I found this video where he identifies himself as “Howard.”

Howard travels regularly for business, and finds his outrageous outfits make flying around the country more enjoyable. I can see how it would make the ordinary a little more extraordinary.

I’ve never been on a plane, but a chance encounter with this mysterious, cross-dressing, middle-aged fly-guy, might be all the incentive I need to get over my fears. Could you imagine the awesome wisdom this dude has to share? I’d have so much to blog about. No gray-haired business man can pull-off a ‘working girl’ ensemble like this without having something profound to say.

Thank you, Howard, for making navigating life even more awkward for everyone with the stones to take to the skies.