Sexy Turtles Garden Statue

Sexy Turtles Garden Statue

$18.99
 Sold out 

Slow and steady may win the race, but when it comes to pleasure on the half shell, it’s all about the friction, baby. The Sexy Turtles Garden Statue is guaranteed to get your neighborhood woodland creatures in the mood.

The Sexy Turtles Garden Statue features two turtles in the throes of passion, and, judging by the smile on her face, he’s obviously doing something right. It will be 50 Shades of Green in your garden if you invest in the Sexy Turtles Garden Statue.

Slow and Steady Doesn’t Always Win the Race

 

Rabbits may be so fast they don’t know if they’re coming or going, but with turtles, they know which one is going to finish first. The Sexy Turtles Garden Statue is an immodest way for your garden to get a little attention. The turtles both look happy in this frozen carnal embrace, so there is definitely some good karma.

 

Specs, Features and Bragging Rights

 

- Two naughty turtles knocking shells

- Made of resin

- Weatherproof

- Hilarious gift for turtle lovers or gardening enthusiasts

 

Who Would Love Sexy Turtles Garden Statue?

 

Anyone who has that cheeky friend that loves telling stories about his sexploits or constantly reads magazine sex surveys will love these statues. The turtles are fun and go great with anyone who has a good sense of humor about sex and relationships. If they happen to have a garden, then even better.

 

Frequently Asked Questions

 

Are they using protection?

 

They’re turtles, of course they are. Protection is a part of their DNA…literally. They go around with shells on their backs, but you think they might be riding bareback? Don’t let these crazy turtles fool ya, they’re responsible amphibians unless they want to make some little turtles. That’s always possible.

 

Will this fit in with my homeowners’ association guidelines?

 

Two turtles having sex in your yard might be just a tad outside the rules of the contract you signed when you moved to the neighborhood. The good news is there is always the backyard. Your neighbors may not understand the loving relationship between two consenting turtles, but who are we to judge.

Why We Love It

— Jessi, Funslurp Buyer Jessi, Funslurp Buyer

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