Republican Bullshit Protector

Republican Bullshit Protector

$11.95
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The Line Forms at the Right

Republicans aren’t as much known for their calm and courteous demeanors as they are rants and filibustering. Luckily, you can drown out the din of rightwing conservatives with our Republican Bullshit Protector. Just place this handy tool over your ears and the noise will finally be silenced.

Who Would Love to have a Republican Bullshit Protector?

Anyone who believes in peace, love and harmony will likely appreciate having this modern-day miracle on-hand during a Republican speech. They may want to listen in on your phone conversations, but you don’t have to listen to anything they say. If you love the freedom of choice, then you’ll want Republican Bullshit Protectors.

Frequently Asked Questions

If we all wear a pair, will Republicans get tired of hearing themselves speak?

Sorry. We’ve done extensive research, only to find that there is absolutely no possible way righties will ever get tired of the sound of their own mindless rantings. Still, we believe it couldn’t hurt to try.

Can they silence ultra-conservative, rightwing propaganda?

Sorry again. While the Republican Bullshit Protectors can keep you from hearing it, as long as the 1 Percenters can write checks, there is zero chance of bringing an end to the drivel. They do still have that pesky freedom of speech, you just don’t have to listen to it.

Why We Love It

— Jessi, Funslurp Buyer Jessi, Funslurp Buyer

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