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Hillary Clinton Nutcracker

Hillary Clinton Nutcracker

$29.95
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The Hillary Nutcracker, Sweet!

We all know that Hillary Clinton is a nut buster. After all, she’s managed to keep Bill on a tight leash since humiliating her during his presidency. You can celebrate all her ball-busting glory with The Hillary Nutcracker. She can crush a walnut between her legs and then blow your mind with her political ideas.

Who would love The Hillary Nutcracker?

Anyone who likes Hillary and her nut-cracking ways will love this, as will Hillary haters who enjoy the idea that she’s not the nice person she pretends to be. It’s a bit of idealism and irony all wrapped up in a pink suit. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Democrat or Republican, your nuts aren’t safe.

Frequently Asked Questions

If I get this, then will my nuts lean to the left?

No, while Hillary may be a left-leaning liberal, The Hillary Nutcracker has no bearing on the spacial orientation of your nuts. They’ll be the same nuts they’ve always been until crushed by The Hillary Nutcracker. After that, it doesn’t matter which way they lean. They’ll be a shadow of their former selves.

Will this crush anything else?
It depends on who you ask. Some believe The Hillary Nutcracker can also crush dreams, hope and the economy, but others think it can crush big business and political corruption. We suggest just sticking to nuts. It’s the safe decision, and your nuts will be the only causalities. It’s a small price to pay.

Why We Love It

— Jessi, Funslurp Buyer Jessi, Funslurp Buyer

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